I shouldn’t have drank so much last night. Everything is a little hazy. All day I’ve been with people. Laughing. Joking. But these tiny little memories have kept coming back . There’s no warning. I have been sipping tea, or talking and suddenly from nowhere i have a flash. I can’t be too sure if I actually remember or if it’s a dream. I know I remember the important stuff from last night. I know how amazing the wedding was, I remember my surprise at him being there, but the other stuff. Every time I get a memory, his mouth on my mouth, his hands on my skin, I catch my breath. My senses tingle and I get a fluttery feeling in my belly. I wish I could remember it clearly. I wish I could remember every second. Every touch. Every feel. Every orgasm. I remember there were a lot of those.
I close my eyes and relive it. I feel like I’m having somebody else’s memories, or trying to remember a dream. Did it really happen. It shouldn’t have. I know that. I have broken one of my own rules. Danny has a girlfriend. I remember how I felt when Max and I first split, how I’d be living life normally and then something would happen and I’d want to tell him and then bang. I got that sick feeling in my stomach and I’d remember I couldn’t. I’d remember he wasn’t mine any more. Well today has been like that. The fluttery feeling of excitement I’d had in my tummy remembering Danny’s hands on me last night keep getting smacked away by the crashing reality of Erica. Why did I do it? I’d like to say it was just the drink. I’d like to put the blame on him. But I can’t. I know I wanted it. I know I am equally to blame. I even asked him just before it happened if he was sure. He said he’d never been surer of anything in his life. If i could go back now and change what happened would I? Honestly, no. It felt right. It was what I wanted. What we wanted.
I know I really want it to happen again, but it can’t can it? Or could it? And if it’s something I’m so sure of why didn’t I tell Kat? Why is it a big secret that I can only talk about in this diary. I don’t understand. I’m so against cheating so why am I not more bothered by this? I think where I’ve wanted him for so long, even before I really realised I did, that last night was inevitable. It was always going to happen. But now, I should do the right thing and forget about it. The problem is, it was so good and felt so right I don’t think I could turn him down. Trust me, I’m not planning on actively going after him, and it’s not as if we even live anywhere near each other anymore, but I know if the opportunity came and he wanted to do it again I couldn’t say no. If i had to choose between sharing him or not having him at all, there is really no contest.
When did I become this person? Why don’t I care? Why does he bring this person out of me?
Find out more about Casey Turner and the battle of her morals in my debut novel, Another Woman’s Man, available to order on paperback and kindle now through Amazon https://t.co/pPMssJQwMe
About The Author – (Me)
Carrie-Ann Schless was first published by Crooked Cat Books in January 2018. Her Novel, Another Woman’s Man, is the first of three due out this year.
Carrie-Ann is a single mum living in East Sussex with her three children, her cats and her dog. She loves her chaotic lifestyle. Carrie-Ann works as a sales assistant part time as well as finding the time to fit in her great passion of writing. She is also a self-confessed social media and telly addict. When she has a spare moment she loves to socialise with friends and family.
Carrie-Ann’s other passion is acting and she has been a member of the Uckfield Theatre Guild, as well as being a former member of EODS.
Come and meet Belinda MacKensie straight out of the covers of Alice Castle’s Death in Dulwich and see what’s in her diary!